


Overcome with Closure

by Angsty_Sonnets (CaraPerden), CaraPerden



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Panic Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Language, M/M, Multi, Panic Attacks, Sexual Assault
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2020-08-18 23:06:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20199667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaraPerden/pseuds/Angsty_Sonnets, https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaraPerden/pseuds/CaraPerden
Summary: After months of dealing with trauma on his own, Virgil finally breaks down enough to grab the other sides' attention. The path of his recovery is nowhere as straightforward as he would wish, although his friends love and support him all the way!





	1. Attack

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everybody!!!!  
Just a heads up...I'm new here and I'm an angsty bitch! I love pressing my own life experiences on all my characters. Virgil is the especial sufferer at the hands of my muse, and I must warn you...things get gory and may contain a LOT of triggers for some people. Please proceed with caution!

Virgil was tired of waking up like this—cold sweat, twisted sheets, and a pounding headache. Black splotches danced across his vision, obscuring everything in sight. His spine felt as if it could splinter at any moment. He wrapped arms around himself like it could keep him together, fingers clutching at the back of his ribs.

It couldn't.

Quiet sobs and muted gasps resounded from below his sternum, shaking hands twisted in faded purple hair, and every bone throughout his exhausted body ached. Such an overreaction. Fingers clenched at the subtle voice that echoed through his head.

_You're too weak, can't even handle a nightmare._ **_Shut up._ **

\---

"Hey, kiddo?" Patton shot a worried glance up at the withdrawn emo on the staircase, Virgil was usually more involved in decision-making but was now strangely reclusive. "You alright?" Logan and Roman startled out of their argument at the sound of Patton's soft voice.

The logical side immediately took stock of the situation while surveying the room and its inhabitants. Staring off into blank space, Thomas hid his vaguely pained expression behind falling bangs. Virgil was hiding in his oversized hoodie, the hood so large it covered almost his entire face. Roman looked beyond annoyed for the interruption, but his eyes softened after seeing the cause for the commotion, "Virge?" Logan noticed the barely quivering cuffs the anxious side had his hands concealed in. Virgil ducked his head away from the light of the studio recording camera as he fought off another assault on his mind.

_Worthless. **No.** Weak. **NO! **_

"Thomas, look at me." Logan made his demands with intense concern carefully concealed behind a facade of calm. Thomas gingerly shook his head. "Look at me," the logical side directed again. He couldn't help but note Virgil's almost imperceptible wince.

"I can't," Thomas murmured, "Too bright."

"Roman, would you kindly turn the lights and camera off?"

"Of course!" The room went dark, only light through the blinds allowing them to see each other. Virgil retreated further back at the sudden change, flinching away from Patton's proffered hand.

_You're nothing more than a disorder. Worthless. _

** _NO! _ **

_Just a figment of the imagination. _

** _NO. _ **

_Unneeded, unwanted, useless. Weak and WORTHLESS. _

** _No...please, no. _ **

"Thomas, I want direct eye contact," Logan commanded while reaching a hand out to rest on Pat's shoulder in quiet reassurance. Thomas finally brought his gaze up to meet Logan's nervously with pupils dilated almost to the point that the gold of each iris was blocked out. "Virge?" Roman crouched in front of the anxious side carefully, "Can you kneel down beside me, please?"

_Kneel. Kneel. Kneel. _

"Virgil, my stormy night, focus on my voice. Can you do that for me, thundercloud?" Roman rocked back onto his heels and made sure to keep his tone low, "Darling?" Virgil gave a small nod, his thoughts not minding to interrupt.

_Don't listen to him. He only wants you to submit, now get UP! He wants to help. Get up. _

** _No. _ **

_Weakling. _

Virgil cautiously leaned down until his knees buckled and he crumpled against the bannister exhaustedly. Thomas swayed on his feet, Logan rushing ahead to catch him as he collapsed. "Kiddo!" Patton hurried forward to kneel next to Virgil. He could hear each laboured breath and gasp emanating from the anxious side's rattled lungs. Roman reached out and caged the boy's shaking hands in a vice grip, "Virge."

_Look away, get away...you need to breathe, need space, need to get OUT!_ All of his muscles seized, "Stop..." his voice shook out only loud enough for Roman to hear, "...stop, please, stop, get away, need space, please!"

Each screamed whisper broke the fanciful side bit by bit, "I'm so sorry, my dark angel, but I need you to breathe." He crept closer and pressed one of Virgil's covered hands against his chest, "Breath with me."

"...can't..."

Logan, with the help of Pat, laid Thomas delicately on the couch and left him to wake whenever ready, instead turning their attention to the trembling form now curled against Roman and muttering, "Help...help."

_Weak. Worthless. Waste of precious space. _

"Breathe."

_Nothing but a disorder, an annoyance...you're a waste of space. _

"...can't..."


	2. Quiet Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan may or may not understand emotion...so here's some beginning plot points to help him down the road of feelings that are sure to await him. Watch out for some silly Patton :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, before everyone attacks me...I would like to explain myself! In this chapter, each character is dealing with a lot of unfamiliar stress. Roman and Patton both change moods fairly quickly due to (as called by my own experience) stress-induced delirium. Virgil, too, reacts much differently than to be expected from someone surfacing from a panic attack. I apologize ahead of time for what some people may believe is factually incorrect...just please keep in mind that everyone has different experiences! 
> 
> And don't worry, if you're here for the angst, it's coming up soon :)
> 
> Love you all! <3

Logan preferred to declare himself emotionless instead of having to piece together the meaning of his feelings. He would rather be ‘fearless’ instead of addressing the confusing terror wrapped around his spine.

Each step towards Roman shuddered uncertainly, brain and body not quite yet synchronized with real life. Without much experience with handling emotion himself, Logan didn’t know what at the moment was most important. Was he supposed to comfort Princey or help Virgil?

The answer was chosen for him as Patton gently soothed a shaking Roman against his chest, “It’s alright, Ro. We’ll figure it out, and cuddle on the couch, and watch a marathon of Disney movies, and we’ll talk everything out together. Just breathe, honey. Just breath.” Soft fingers pulled through faded hair. “Can we move out of the way, honey? I know you don’t want to, but Logan’s got to exercise some of his book-lifting muscles to get kiddo here over to the couch.”

“It’s quite alright, Pat. I can get around y–“

“Lo, we need to move anyway. I just want us all to be comfortable.”

Logan couldn’t help his stutter when confronted with Patton in father mode, “Of–of course.”

Roman swayed to his feet, dragging Patton unceremoniously to the pile of pillows covering the one side of the couch, quickly situating himself into a curled position before dramatically yanking the soft dad character into an anguished sob.

That part of the problem had been solved, Pat and Roman would comfort each other, but what was Logan to do with Virgil? He may have objectively been the best to mend such a scene–with all his stored knowledge of mental illnesses. However, he had no experience with Virgil. As far as he knew, this issue was recent, maybe a temporary panic disorder.

_Think. _

_Deep breaths. _

_In. _

_Out. _

_In. _

_Out. _

The limp frame in Logan's arms was surprisingly light. It was expected for each side to be very similar to their host's shape, with minute differentiating details, but the variation of Virgil's body shape was unnatural. His rigid spine rested deep in the cushion of Logic's forearm.

Logan knew he was holding something precious. A wild nightingale full of a powerful song, a vessel of music held deep down within a tortured soul, filled with nothing but pure light, something beautiful dressed in a nightmare, something so mercilessly innocent, so perfectly contradictory that mere language couldn't describe the strange form of love that ripped through Logan's chest at that exact moment.

Patton wiped away tears from Roman's face and reluctantly turned away, "Bring him over here, pretty please." Virgil was set delicately across Patton's lap, who immediately began a worried chain of frantic concerns, "What if he's hurt, Lo? I don't want him to hurt! Oh, my poor little anxious baby, he must feel so trapped! Should I put him down? What if touch is gonna hurt him! How can we...how can I...what do we..."

Roman wrapped an arm around Pat's hip just as Logan knelt beside them and hugged the empathetic side's waist. "We must attempt to relax and wait a few more minutes for Virgil's heart rate to slow and then we will wake him, alright? Until then, let us discuss."

"Discuss?" A watery giggle erupted from behind Pat, "Who says 'discuss'?"

"I do." Logan's eyes seemed to roll of their own accord, teasing patterns bringing normalcy into the most stressful of times, "Besides, who nowadays would ever wield such a useless weapon as a sword?"

"Many people!"

"Cosplayers?"

Roman scoffed in creative disgust, "Of course, you heathen...There are others as well, such as specialised military forces and your average mighty Samuari!"

"OOH! What about NINJAS!" Patton's sudden delighted shout ricocheted through the house.

Roman was struck with unfiltered delight, "HELL YES!"

"Ninjas?" A soft voice whispered, "You all are pathetic..." hoarse laughs had Patton practically swooning in adorableness overload, "Princey, of course, is the one nowadays who would idiotically use a piece of metal to stab someone repeatedly."

Pat almost reprimanded the harsh comment but was far too relieved to show much anger, "Virge!"

"Darling, my fabulously dark and shimmering storm cloud, how wonderful!"

"I, too, extend great relief at your awakening. I hope you are well," Logan refrained from touching his still-trembling songbird.

_One person at a time. _

Patton, despite being Thomas' emotional centre, didn't realise just how uncomfortable Virgil was, "Hey, kiddo. What happened?"

"Do we have to chat now?" The anxious side nervously glanced up to meet Pat's eyes, "I don't feel–"

"It's okay to say no, darling." Roman interrupted with reassurances, "Rest, my dear."

Granting a quick flash of a grateful smile, Virge burrowed into the snug warmth of Patton's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case it may have caused confusion...when Roman teases Logan about his word choice, the sword discussion is Logan's attempt to make fun of Princey in return :)


	3. Chapter 3

Someone must have moved Virgil in the middle of the night, treading soft steps to make sure he wouldn't awaken. They may have seen the dusky streaks on the already dark carpet, or the sketchbook sitting on the desk, filled cover to cover with cryptic poetry and carefully inked masterpieces. They could have found the stained hoodie slung over the black folding chair randomly stationed in front of a scarcely used dresser.

All of such possibilities ran tracks of paranoia and doubt through Virgil's mind, even as he was asleep...for it was merely his duty to fret over that which he could never change, that for which he could never truly prepare.

\---

_I'm on autopilot–nothing to say and far too much to think. _

_My focus is shot, hands are shaking, each and every thought is thrown through a tumble of barely-human emotions. _

_I'd apologise for thinking in such short sentences, but I am merely a character in a story I shouldn't even know exists. My mind writes in tiny clips. Little phrases that this frantic narrator is trying to scratch down on paper or type hyperactively with the nearest keyboard that still has a spacebar. _

_I think in short paragraphs, each divided by small subject changes and slashed through with thousands of commas, most of which don't belong. _

_And now I start yet another paragraph of quickly discovered nonsense with a now-common fourth-wall breakage. I know you're there, I know you're reading this in mute confusion and a strange twisted feeling of intrigue. Quite frankly, I can't help but wonder why you would be interested in the rambling of a self-declared schizophrenic anyway. _

_But since you're here to listen, why don't I give you something to engage your brain. _

\---

Logan couldn't stop obsessing.

He needed to find the reasoning behind everything within his existence, needed to understand the people around himself, absolutely had to be able to help Thomas at any moment. Living as the best possible Logic for Thomas was the top priority to Logan, but being a great friend and supporter of the other sides was also essential to the overall health of everyone involved.

It had taken months for Logan to smile in front of Patton, evoking quite the outburst from the excitable side. The constant fear of emotion kept him trapped in his mind until Thomas encountered a crisis that needed a Logical defence, in which Logan would finally have something other than his own imperfections to focus on.

Patton had coaxed him from his hiding with "famILY" dinners and Disney movie marathons. Laughs and eye-rolls became a common way for him to express emotion without being entirely outward.

However, Logan's weekly obsessions over random aspects of each sides' personality and the outbursts about constellations and medical terms that oftentimes followed, became too much for him to casually show in Patton's recommended fashion.

Virgil had been acting beyond his usual anxiety levels for the past month or so...Logan wanted to confront him on the matter but he was far too afraid of scaring his flighty-emo-friend off. 

Hours were spent musing at Virgil's behaviour, meals were skipped and knocks on the door were continually ignored. 

He absolutely _had_ to figure this out. 

He simply required an explanation.


End file.
